Thursday, June 02, 2005

Confession

I have a declaration to make. It is not going to be pretty but it is something that has made me very sad and pimples has popped up on my face.

I am constipated.

That's right. I haven't moved my bowels for so many days that I cannot count them with one hand while the other hand continue typing. Shiting is very important to me. The reason why this blog is named "Crap & Such" is because I have been known in my circles of friends to be a fan of shiting. Their younger siblings even know me as "Da Bian Jie Jie (a.k.a Shit Sister). Crapping is so significant in our lives that the dear Mr. Sigmund Freud had posited that the anus is an erogenous zone when we are 1.5-3 years old.


The dashing Mr. Freud.


Some well-meaning friends recommended me several remedies but so far, it has not been shitcessful at all saved for a few farts (who needs to fart when you can blurp?!). I have tried:

  • Banana, kiwi, mango, strawberry
  • Milk and/or plus banana
  • Applying "Ru Yi" oil (that is supposed to help you break wind.)


  • Useless! Tomorrow, or rather, later today, I will go for my yoga class. Hope exercise will be the solution. If it is useful, I will probably share the move that does it.

    Wish me luck and give me more suggestions to unconstipate myself so I can lead a normal, happy life once more.

    I miss seeing my poopy. Please pray for me. I am very sad.

    ***Update: 3 June 2005: 5.10AM
    Unconstipating mission has been accomplished. Thank you all for your suggestions. Over and out.

    17 comments:

    Adrian said...

    Drink more milk, babe.

    Rambling Alcoholic said...

    Buy Ducolax from the Pharmacy. Works like a charm!

    jllt said...

    adrian: You buy for me? I don't want to be just a babe. Like everyone else...

    rambling alcoholic: Hmm... I'll try that as a last resort. Faeces flying out not very tempting to me. Heh heh.. Thanks!

    blinked said...

    SUNSWEET'S DRIED PRUNES DO WONDERS!

    izzit because of yoga that makes you constipate? hmmmm

    starstar said...

    eno! works wonders!

    Adrian said...

    Ok, drink more milk, dear. :)

    Injenue said...

    i think just drink more water and eat more veggies. but then i've never been constipated so i am not really in a position to say lolzz!!

    dodo said...

    exercise, woman, exercise !

    jllt said...

    blinked: Yoga is pwoer ok! Haha...

    starstar: No eno at home... ):

    adrian: Thanks!

    injenue: Suaners not welcomed.

    dodo: I just did and damn near cracked my back. Lol...

    Anonymous said...

    Try taking salt water or honey water in the morning.

    Good luck :)

    Anonymous said...

    sweetie just take prunes... fibre rich prunes will do the trick ;)...
    No more constipation~~~ =p

    cheneille said...

    haha u know what I do when i cant shit? i bang d wall. just keep banging n somehow d shitting sensasion will come to u!! hahahaa but of coz u need to be sitting on ur toilet bowl while banging la... if no wall near ur toilet bowl, try to bang d side of ur bowl, ur thighs, or umm..... d basin?? i dunno...

    cheneille said...

    oh btw u have frenster or not ah girl?? i wanna add u!

    jllt said...

    anonymous #1: Thanks for your suggestion sweetie. I'll try the honey. If it doesn't help with the bowels, it will be good for the throat. (:

    anonymous #2: Prunes sound like eldery diet hor? But it's all good.

    cheneille: I suspect head bang thighs will be a highly difficult maneuver. And I want to shit not die sweetheart. Head banging too extreme for my fragile skull.

    Maybe you want to leave your Friendster full name then I'll add you? (:

    cheneille said...

    hahaaha not ur head la!! ur fist!!!! anyawy it's Cheneille Neo.

    ps: how's d shit goin on?

    jllt said...

    It's out already!

    Anonymous said...

    Try popping a few dried seedless apricots