Saturday, June 09, 2007

Housemates from Hell

I thought I'll blog about my birthday. I thought I'll blog about my work. But you are not interested, right?

Let's get to something juicier, shall we? We all love to cringe and laugh as the (mis)fortunes of others. Here, I have compiled some of the most horrible of horrible housemates my friends met while they were studying overseas.

The Dowager
Friend A was staying with a Chinese family. For one of the holidays, she had invited her friend over to have dinner with her. So there she was, merrily cutting up cold meats and preparing a scrumptious feast to share with her friend.

Now, you must understand there is like old lady in the Chinese family. Much like the dowager we see in old Hong Kong dramas, this lady commands respect. AND has an irrational dislike of someone else living in her palace, namely my friend. Friend was cutting meat. Cut, cut, cut. Dowager was mumbling in the background about this and that. Mumble, mumble, mumble. Dowager suddenly reached out from behind her to grab something. Spurt, spurt, spurt.

Friend stared in stupor at the blood spurting out of her forefinger from the cut wound. Dowager had pushed her aside without caring that she was holding a sharp object. And Friend cut her finger. Deep.

To make a long story short. Friend called her friend. Her friend came to send her to hospital where the doctor promptly went white at the blood. Before they close the door while leaving for the hospital, Dowager could be heard mumbling in the background about "somebody" not cleaning up before she left the house.

The Cheapo
Friend likes her new place. She has plenty of room and sunshine. What more could she ask for? On numerous occasions however, she realised Cheapo likes to come home just when she was cooking dinner. Strange that. Because Cheapo loves to drop into the kitchen, peep around, and wonder aloud what Friend was cooking. Naturally, for the first few times at least, Friend bothered to reply, telling her what was on the stove. Cheapo would "WAH!" multiple times, exclaiming her delights at the simplest of meals, say, white rice.

Friend, being nice, would offer her some. Cheapo will NEVER, EVER, EVER reject. In fact, she would do one better. She would go to the larder, search around, and suggest opening Friend's canned food for dinner too! Why not eat her poor? Cheapo wondered to herself.

Friend would be left, at the end of the meal, with the pots and pans to clean because Cheapo would have to "rush" for her next appointment. *Blurp*

The Madness
First mistake: Friend moved in with then-boyfriend. Second mistake: Friend broke up. All hell broke loose. The Madness went on a well, mad, rampage to take her things and vehemently denied doing so. So, there could have been a break-in where all of The Madness's stuff were left untouched while the burglar just went for Friend's $10 wallet? And leave her laptop on her table? Wow! Kind burglar.

Friend felt she had to move out. So she did. Once, she went back for her stuff with two guy friends waiting outside the house. The Madness began a screaming match with her, which forced the 2 guy friends to check out what was happening. When The Madness saw the guys, he grabbed and knife and started threatening them.

Luckily, no one was hurt. But Friend lost many of her prized possessions forever.


Morale of all stories: Choose your housemates wisely. If you don't know them before moving in, make sure your room has a strong, sturdy lock.