Thursday, May 26, 2005

GSS Special V - Persistance + Annoyance != Assistance

As promised, today's post will be on... ... ... the sales assistants of GSS!

I think we have a love-hate relationship with the sales people. They are the people who help us locate the last 70% off bag but they are also the same people who told us we have to get the poopy-brown tank top that goes with nothing (Sorry, poopy. I love you but I have to say you look like shit.).

Some of my personal pet peeves with regards to certain sales assistants: (I don't think they are helping in any way though.)

The Noisy Introducer
She will be the person who rattles off product information when you touch any items in her shop.

That comes in three colors!!! !!! !!! Yellow, green and blue!!! !!! !!!
We only have this shipment!!! !!! !!! No more stocks coming in!!! !!! !!! Better hurry and buy today!!! !!! !!!
You can sling this across your shoulders or carry it by your side!!! !!! !!!

It's just a coincidental bump! Get lost!

The No-Cluer
The direct opposite of The Noisy introducer, The No-Cluer is the one who has no idea whatsoever about her products.

How much does this cost? - Dunno...
Does this come in black? - Dunno...
You have a new piece of this? - Dunno...

Don't know then do your boss a favor and sack yourself.

The Thrower
I fucking hate those shits who throw clothes onto the top of your fitting room door to "let you try". I have eyes and I don't like your Ah Lian taste. Kindly leave me and my cubicle door alone. These are sales "assistants" who will take note of your measurements and throw you every item in that size because it's "new arrival". No thanks, babe. Save your style for your Ah Beng boi boi.

The Dog-Eyed
There is a chinese saying which is, when translated literally,"Dog eye see people low, don't know kind-soul good." (Bad translation I know but the meaning is around there.) Anyway, The Dog-Eyed is the bitch who doesn't give a shit about you because you do not flaunt your wealth but fawn over the tai-tai in Versace's silk tops carrying Chanel quilted bags like a lap dog. Hello! You think everyone must be stupid and show off their platinum cards to become the target of kidnappers is it?

The Fake Accented
These make my hair stand on ends. Fakos here are usually carrying out orders to greet and bid their customers goodbyes. Weirdly though, they somehow interpret this to mean that their "Welcome"s and "Have a nice day"s must be in a poseur slang that is neither here nor there. And how am I suppose to respond to an insincere farewell after I leave the shop? Do I turn back and realize I'm stupidly smiling at the person's back? Fear not! There are three other ways to look cooler:

For the hypocritical you.

For the ½-honest you.

For the real honest you.

That's right! Do not turn back and acknowledge their insincerity!


That's all darlings! Hope you have enjoyed my GSS special as much as I have enjoyed crapping them up. Have fun at the GSS! Muack muack!


    starstar said...

    heh, i remember when i was working as a sales assistant at an apparel shop, i was careful not to behave like The Noisy Introducer because i hate that type of sales assistants too. i'll act nonchalant until the shopper expresses some interest in purchasing. but this got me almost got fired for not doing my best to hardsell >.< oh well

    let club together one day :)

    jllt said...

    I worked as retail assistant before also. The fucking idiot supervisor "taught" me the only way to sell is the hard sell. Pui!

    Later I worked somewhere else, I just smiled when people enter the stall and I was told that the sales increased during my shift. Hard sell indeed.

    Clubbing onz man! Geminis are the party animals. Lol...

    Adrian said...

    hilarious post, dear. fuckin' A

    jllt said...

    Haha... Thanks dear! You're saying so because of the != part rite? Hahahahaha...

    Maureen said...

    hi! i really enjoy reading your GSS entries! very creative and honest =)

    jllt said...

    Thanks girl! Makes it all worthwhile for the research I have to undertake for this piece. Shopping and observing is no fun! Lol...

    Anonymous said...

    I was searching blogs,and I found yours.Please,
    accept my congratulations for your excellent work!
    If you have a moment, please visit my touch dog toys site.
    Have a good day!