Friday, May 06, 2005

What is the thing "U Like"?

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What is "U Like"?

What what what?


"U Like" is a part of...

This!
A lizard/cockroach trap!!!


Question: What the fuck are the buns on it for?
Answer: Simple. It's the bait! Lizards and cockroaches like to have a share of our food but we selfish humans are scared of the diseases they might transfer to us. At the same time, we don't want to spend more money to put real food bait on pest traps so we have the buns! We guarantee U Like!

Question: What the... You mean that thing can actually catch lizards and such?
Answer: No problem, my friend! You paste U Like at places where house pests are likely to be found and you wait. And you wait. Then you wait some more. Maybe one more day. Erm, another week perhaps? One day, when Mr. Lizard or Mrs. Cockroach comes out for a stroll, the trap will be all ready for it! We guarantee U Like!

Question: Right... What's in it that makes it such a high-tech nifty tool?
Answer: It is high-tech alright! We have an adhesive inside U Like that will make passing lizards and cockroaches stick to it. As we know, lizards and roaches don't wear shoes, so they cannot simply just remove their footwear and go ahead with stealing our morsels! U Like has what we call the "Quicksand®" mechanism. The more they struggle, the more they will be stucked to U Like. We guarantee U Like!

Question: Eeeeeee... Then won't it be gross to discard? I mean the lizzies and xiao qiangs will be all moving around or maybe all dried up by the time we get to throwing the trap away.
Answer: That's why we have the high-tech Power Cover® on top! It obscures their struggles and we can just dispose of them in the chutes and never worry about food-stealing pests again! We guarantee U Like!

Question: Erm... Who will use it?
Answer: Anyone who likes to leave his/her food uncovered! Or anyone who is scared of lizards and cockroaches. You know, I have this at home. The first day, it caught 2 lizards. The second day, it caught another one. It's that useful! I have one more in the bathroom to catch the lizard that always appears when I shower in the morning. Although I still open my eyes at all times to see if it has been trapped, I feel more at ease with U Like around. We guarantee U Like!

***

And I was inspired. So I came up with an idea that I think will be a great source of income once I get it patented. Here it is:

Da Trappo®©
Da Trappo®©!!!


Da Trappo®© is a novel invention by yours truly. It is a boyfriend/girlfriend/hunk/babe catcher. I have also prepared my own list of anticipated Frequently Asked Questions.

Question: Why is it call Da Trappo®©?
Answer:"Da" sounds cool yeah? Very in and funky. Not obiang, not orbib. Then with it being marketed as a high-tech product, I want the "Trappo" inside to sound Japanese since we know the Japanese come up with a lot of techie products. Da Trappo®© ends your singlehood!

Question: Eh... It looks complex. Care to explain how it works?
Answer: Oh! It's extremely user friendly. There are 7 parts to Da Trappo®©, two of which are optional!

1. Da Userto®©
Da Userto®© is defined as the person who utilizes Da Trappo®©. Sometimes we can also refer to Da Userto®© as Da Desperadoto®©. He/she will be the one who is single and looking for love. And he/she will have Da Someone®© in mind. Da Userto®© does not dare to approach Da Someoneto®© and this is where Da Trappo®© comes in.

2. Da Someoneto®©
Da Someoneto®© is defined as the person who is targeted by Da Userto®©. He/she is usually a hunk/babe whom, according to our extensive research, the less physically appealing Da Userto®© is interested in but dares not approach. Then, this is where Da Tapeto®© enters the scene to execute the singlehood that has plagued Da Userto®© for his/her past 30 years.

3. Da Tapeto®©
Da Tapeto®© is my work after 2 minutes of extensive, painstaking creativity. In essence, it is a big piece of adhesive that is used to capture Da Someoneto®© as he/she walks past. It will cause Da Someoneto®© to be stucked on Da Tapeto®© until Da Userto®© is ready to come and collect him/her. Now, we know humans wear shoes and can easily remove their footwear and evade Da Tapeto®©. No fears! I have the next mechanism to take care of that!

4. Da Banana Peel Releaseto®© and 5. Da Remoteto®©
Da Banana Peel Releaseto®© is what makes Da Trappo®© so high-tech! It has a remote triggered mechanism that allows Da Userto®© to release the banana peel at the right time. When Da Userto®© sees Da Someoneto®© approaching Da Tapeto®©, he/she can press Da Big Red Buttonto®© on Da Remoteto®©. Then Da Someoneto®© will slip on the peel and fall onto Da Trappo®©. Ta-da! Da Someoneto®© is trapped and ready for collection!

6. Da Treeto®© (optional)
Da Treeto®© is very useful when Da Userto®© is waiting for Da Someoneto®© to come along and to know when to activate Da Banana Peel Releaseto®©. I know Da Userto®© don't want Da Someoneto®© to know he/she is waiting for his/her approach and Da Treeto®© effectively shields Da Userto®© from his/her view!

7. Da Grassto®© (optional)
In order for Da Someoneto®© not to see Da Tapeto®©, Da Grassto®© comes in handy as a camouflage! Da Someoneto®© will never suspect a thing! Brilliant!

At the end of it, Da Userto®© can collect Da Someoneto®© from Da Tapeto®© and start a relationship with him/her. Da Trappo®© ends your singlehood!

Question: Hmm.. Profound design indeed! Do you think you can successfully get a patent?
Answer: Why not? Since things like sandwiches can try for a patent, I don't see why something as cheem as Da Trappo®© cannot be granted one! I am very sure that it is novel, contains an inventive step (by virtue of Da Banana Peel Release®©) and is capable of industrial application for Da Trappo®© ends your singlehood!

***

Yes, ladies and gentlemen. You are reading the blog of a person who will go down in history as the most successful matchmaker ever. But you can play an important role too! I am currently seeking investors for capital to come up with the prototype. Feel free to leave a comment and I will email you my proposal as soon as possible. Remember, Da Trappo®© ends your singlehood!

14 comments:

suspiciousbastard said...

Nabeh. I WANT to be single. I'm enjoying it, for goodness sake.

jllt said...

Right... All power to you...

suspiciousbastard said...

Crap. Too late to remove my comment.

starstar said...

faint*

like that you also can think of! :D

BeeNuts said...

hOOt! Where can I get U Like?

J Schnorng said...

Wah biang eh, I have to say you have totally been on a roll, miss. Seriously, might as well set up a shop or something, lah!

jllt said...

starstar: Very inventive right? Please be my investor.

almonds&diamonds: I think you can purchase it from DIY shops. Interested in investing in Da Trappo®©?

j: Yes! I'm rolling up the Crap hill and I'm offering you a chance to be my investor for Da Trappo®©. Don't miss this one in a million chance!

BeeNuts said...

Haha..for now I like U Like. As for Da Trappo, get it tested first lah. Haha..

Adrian said...

Haha, fucking hilarious, babe.

jllt said...

almonds&diamonds: Tell you what, you invest now, I'll give you a U Like. FOC!

adrian: Yes, I'm hilarious! How much are you going to invest?

Injenue said...

this post was seriously techincal. i thought i was reading one of my notes zzz... i'm sure there are easier ways to get off the "leng2 ban3 deng4" hehe..

jllt said...

So... Want to invest?

Anonymous said...

Hi,

I just read your blog on the product "U-like"
Kinda interesting gadgets to me for the nasty pest!

May i know where can i purchase it in singapore?
NTUC? Cold storage?

How much it costs?
How long can we leave this thing around if there's no
catch?

Thanks for your info on your blog site.
Cool and funny.

Keep me updated on new topics.
Cheers!

reply me @ cg_fx@yahoo.com

jllt said...

Hello...

I am not a spokesperson for the product leh. I'm not even sure if it is called U-Like in the first place. Muahahaha.. My mum got it from one of those demostrations at supermarkets. I think should be able to buy from supermarkets and DIY shops.

Should be quite cheap. $5 for a few packs?

Have fun in your crappy stay!