Tuesday, May 24, 2005

GSS Special III - Male & Shop = Pale & Whop

I feel very uncomfortable shopping with guys. Boyfriend, male pals, man buddies, basically just all men! I don't know any male gays so I have no idea whether there are any differences. And I think guys should be banned from GSS (at places selling stuff for women only, that is) because they are either very pale while glancing at the price tags or look very much in the mood to whop the ass out of someone. In general, most guys are not that into shopping and would rather be playing their PS2/3s, surfing online, watching movies or having a beer with the lads.

Furthermore, the comments they give you while shopping are usually those you can do without. Most are not, like what American Idol's parrots love to say, constructive criticisms. Now, compare that to shopping with a honest girlfriend. She will not hesitate to tell you you have a hippo butt in that jeans or that your fats bulge out from the top of the tube. Some guys may not even know what a tube is! My friend called it "towel".

Alloy: These, my friend, are tubes.

Another guy asked whether Sherry was too poor to afford proper bottoms because she was wearing capris.

GoJane: Look like an auntie in cropped pants? Try pairing with heels or wedges instead of slippers!

Grab a guy and question if he knows what a shrug is. He will probably just move his shoulders. Technically not wrong but not the shrug we girls are looking for.

Victoria's Secret: Although also related to the shoulders, this shrug is probably more useful for keeping warm rather than to display indifference.

Some other issues while shopping with guys:

The Mantra
There must be some kind of male code going around. Because if you ask the guy whether the clothes look nice, he will resort to the "everything looks nice, nothing looks better" mantra. But this mantra may not be totally useless: it tells you the intentions of the guy. If he is your boyfriend, he will have pair this with a look that is only suitable for the bedroom. If he is someone after you, you will notice that he is half-serious. If he is just a friend, he will be laughing away.

The Weird Tastes
Even if the guys do not mind shopping with you, most are clueless about the latest fashion. No point asking them which color is nicer because they will just respond with their favorite colors, never mind that yellow was so last season. The boyfriend may also just pick whatever is cheaper or made of lesser cloth.

The Blocker
Somehow some guys never seem to notice that they are obstacles. Of course, you will not mind that your guy is in the way because you are still in awe over how lucky you are to be able to drag a reluctant, black-faced boyfriend out shopping (although we all know your real motives are to make him foot the bills or carry your bags). At GSS, we see boyfriends standing faithfully outside fittings rooms, struggling with numerous shopping bags in the middle of nowhere or arguing with their girlfriends over the price tags while at the cashier. If the guy is a stranger, I am usually very pissed with him standing in the way as I hurry from sale to sale. Sometimes, I just use my bags to fight my way through the unmovable wall of boyfriends.


So do your guy and everyone else a favor: leave him at home if he is unwilling to tag along. Just grab his credit card. Part IV will be on shop's designs and the owners' real designs. Happy shopping, darlings!


    Adrian said...

    Hahaha, yes, leave me at home dear. I'm entirely useless when it comes to shopping.

    jllt said...

    Well... Not entirely... Especially when I have a lot of shopping bags...

    Heavenly Sword said...

    my wife: "This one nice or not?"
    me: "Nice" (and she'll buy)

    my wife: "This one nice or not?"
    me: "Not nice"
    my wife: "Are you sure?" (20 times)
    me: "Er...I change my mind, it's actually not bad; quite nice"

    (and off she goes to the cashier...)