Tuesday, May 03, 2005

How to take photos of yourself for Friendster

Today, I will share some tips on how to achieve looks that are frequently spotted on Friendster. Firstly, let's run through the materials needed:

Materials
- Camera (duh)
- Yourself (most people would choose to photograph the face but it's your call)
- Fingers
- Cropping tools (it will never do to let people see that you took picture of yourself)
- Photoshop tools (depending on chosen look)

And we have some pre-photoshoot preparations:

Preparation
- Make-up (vital)
- Hair styling (optional)

Why is make-up essential? Pammy here will show us the obvious:

Pre-made-up Pammy
Before


Post-made-up Pammy
After


***
Now, the different looks:

The Wannabe Famous Blogger Look®
Also known as the "I'm-too sexy-for-my-blog" look, the tongue is necessary to execute this style. We have a number of precendents from Big Fuck, Mr Brown and Xiaxue. It is important to note that the tongue should be peeking like such:

Positive example of tongue peeking


And not fully extended to show the slime on it like so (it's subtleness, darling; not disgust):

Negative example of tongue extension



The Hardworking Photoshopper Look®
You can use a number of artistic styles such as color modification (black & white/sepia) or changes to illumination (diffused glow and such). Whatever it is, the ultimate look is to show the original:

Tut tut. No cropping is a sin.


Have been given a face-lift:

No need to be discreet for this one.
(Note the importance of cropping to frame a Friendster photo)


Lazy to Photoshop you say? No problem. The next one is for you.

The Lazy To Photoshop Look®
Don't give a shit about enhancing photos yet want to look your best? No need to fret, sweetie. Try the Blurring Style® registered by your truly. If you have a high-tech camera, lower your shutter speed and slightly shift the camera immediately after taking the photo. Or you can choose the night mode and move your hand after pressing the shutter release. Alternatively, get a 0.5 megapixel camera and that should provide for an obscured photo that does not require any digital manipulation. The end result will be like this:

Squint your eyes to see pic
(Note that make-up is indispensible for this look because it helps Friendster browsers locate your features. Sorry guys, it's the same for you.)



The Mysterious Look®
For this, we need a mirror. The Mirror Reflection Style® confounds reality. It gives Friendster browsers the feeling that it is you, yet there is something perplexing that they cannot quite put their fingers on: the flash seems to come from nowhere. To achieve this look, position camera so you know you will be able to capture your reflection. Flash is paramount for the out-of-this-world look. And thus, we have:

Smirking is good



The Paris Hilton Look®
Other than wearing next to nothing, you need to have a Mouth Half-Opened Style®. Of course, you need to give off a look that is synonymous with the bedroom. No mean feat, but practice makes perfect, sugar. Here's a little trick: look sideways; never directly at the camera for that suggestion of having a secret that everyone already know. We will end up with:

Sorry, Faye hasn't returned my blonde wig since she borrowed it for Chungking



The Teacher/Demure Look®
Need to maintain a squeaky clean image? Here's the style for you. Remember your props: spectacles, hair styling products (no flyaways, dear), and a big bright smile. With regards to the smile, it is important to make sure your eyes smile too. You don't want to be accused as a phoney, do you? Say cheese:

Never mind the laugh lines. You're a teacher! Supposed to look old.



The Ah Siao Look®
That was too stuffy for your liking? Want to portray the real, fun-looking you? To convey your exciting self, do the cock-eyed, twisted mouth, tilted head shot. Easily you can achieve this:

Additional drool would be great as well.



The Want To Get Weird Messages Look®
Ah! Can use The Paris Hilton Look® but to appeal to local guys, I would suggest a cutesy, girlish style that is The Come-HitHer Style®. There are a few variations but the main premise is to give off wide-eyed innocence. Can be paired with pouting/kissing lips that gives you:

Insert piece sign as well.



The Don't Want To Get Weird Messages Look®
Finally, for those who are anti-social, try The Asexual Style®. Gals: draw moustache, beard and hide hair. Guys: wear wig, put make-up. Both: learn from Ru Hua. What you will achieve:

Double chin optional.


***
That's all for today, folks! Lesson over!

27 comments:

Hai~Ren said...

*peng*

I thought Celle's photo post was silly enough, but this one takes the cake.

jllt said...

OooOooO.. I'm hungry! Where's da cake! But my bday about 26 days away leh...

J Schnorng said...

WAHWAHWAH! WAH!!!! WAHHHH! WAHWAH!

ok that's all. i go crazy oredi.

regards,
J

jllt said...

You damn stressed my friend. Thesis no fun? Muahahahahaha...

Adrian said...

Hahahaha nice one, babe.

jllt said...

The blog or the pics? Most likely both right? ^-*

dweam said...

hey.. i think you write really funny posts =) found your blog through ivan's.

cheers!

starstar said...

muahahaha, this one got me into stitches.

but u forgot the 14-year-old dopey eye types! those act cute and stare innocently at camera type! ur one too sultry! :X

jllt said...

dweam: Thank you! Exam stress makes you creative! Hahahahaha...

starstar: Ah! Thanks for the reminder. Think I got those kind of disgusting pics around. Will update later! :D

Injenue said...

u are soo into the photo blogging thing eh LOL.. thank God you're pretty or else i'd have to dig my eyes out. =p

jllt said...

Haha... Since I have a digital camera, why not? Don't waste it.

Might be starting with audio blogging and video blogging if only I know how. ):

Hai~Ren said...

Do podcast! Like mr brown, then you can have "The Feisty Bitch Show" hahaha...

jllt said...

I only heard of TV's broadcast, Yahoo's Launchcast, pea's pod but not podcast. Lol...

YellowPony said...

I enjoyed this post. The end.

J Schnorng said...

wah, kena tomorrow-ed AGAIN, ah you! So powderful, sia!

No lah...it's not stress from thesis. I was just blown away by your entry.

Agagooga said...

You forgot the ones where you don't even show your face - it's strategically obscured

CELLE said...

oh babe ure so hot hot hot..
hehhee.. and the pics are so cute! nice one babe!!!

jllt said...

yellowpony: I enjoyed the small ego trip too. (:

j: Din know there's such a thing called tomorrow-ed... Lol... thanks for enlightening...

agagooga: Hmm... I'll come up with a sequel. More suggestions?

jllt said...

Celle: Thanks darling~ We are LEWD members with lots of shit to share and stupid pics to upload!

Jared said...

lol.. thats a hell lot of poses.

Merenwen said...

Damn girl, you're pretty. I'm so jealous! Except for the last one, of course.

jllt said...

K-e-n-n-e-t-h: A lot meh? I'm planning a sequel already... muahahahahahaha

Sheena: Thanks girl! Mambo next wed?! ^-*

FraNkONeHEre(M) said...

you're quite confident i must say.. posting so many of ur pics on ya blog.. but i think u shld do something to lk more presentable? its quite a turn off for me... ps- get ur self a braces 4 e upper part of ur teeth.. sorry im just FRank

jllt said...

What is presentable is objective. If you are turned off you have no obligation to read on.

I like my teeth just the way it is. I prefer it like this rather than having to wear retainers for the rest of my life. Thank you very much for your kind suggestions. You may want to start a blog yourself to show others what is presentable and what is perfect teeth. :D

Adrian said...

You're quite confident, I must say, posting your stupid comments here as if anyone gives a shit. But I think you should do something to make yourself smarter? It's quite a turn-off for everyone. P.S. Get a brain transplant. Sorry I'm just frank too.

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