Happy birthday to me!

OoOooOoOoOOoo!!! I is a happie girl! It's my birthday and I had a great time. Firstly, thank yous are in order:

Mama and Papa
My wonderful mother who has painstakingly planned the BBQ with me and has to lug home many many kilograms of food from the market (although I did carry most of the stuff, mama did the ordering). Then the preparations for all those cooked food and the barbecuing on the actual day. A* mama!

My daddy for providing the dough and driving. Heh heh. And despite some problems with his ankle, he helped to carry the food and drinks too! The salmon was grilled to perfection all thanks to master chef here!

My Guy
Dear Mr Don AQ came along despite his intense dislike for BBQ. Of course, he lent a helping hand with the logistics and spent some minutes at the pit. A* for showing up already!

My Youngest Brother
Remember all the wonderful sambal stinggray you ate? He's the one who helped to pack them. And the sotongs too! Then he carried the stuff from my house to dad's car and very willingly dragged two bottles of wine to the pit later. Xie xie ni!

My Uncles, Aunties and Cousins
Uncle Herman, Aunt Swee Hua, Uncle Richard, Cousin Edward, Cousin Edwin and Cousin Amos! I was glad you all made it! Special thanks to Aunt Swee Hua for helping with the food and Cousin Amos for providing some candid entertainment.

Although Aunt Susan and Cousin Shiri could not make it, I had to say I really like the presents! Reminds me of the holiday in Australia. (:

My Friends

The Secondary School Gang
Long live 4E5! Those who came gets my stamp of approval! Though there were not many of us, it was great to still be able to crap like we did 7 years ago. Thanks to J.T, Huizhong, Kelvin, Lidan, Raymond and his girlfriend Linda! Non-stop bitching for 5 hours was fantastic man!

You guys were excellent in giving me what I want for my birthday! To those who cannot make it, get lost! :D Heh heh... But glad you all (S.J and W.Q (from Perth!), Gavin, Kairen, Doralee, Peiying, Jonathon, Sharon) sent me messages with birthday wishes!

The JC/University Group
Very little wor! But then I only invited friends not acquaintances. Tee hee hee... I love the big red bag I received from Huimin, Beishan and Hoilan. Mama mentioned that it looked like a flower pot so I think I shall go and buy a big stalk of flower and permanently sew it onto the bag.
Despite not being able to make it for the BBQ, the very nice Alicia made sure her present did. Thanks gal!

Gerald and Joel
Brothers who don't look alike to me! Great of you to turn up. Hope both of you enjoyed the food at least!

My Brother's Friends
Although I don't know any of your names and it is highly unlikely that you will read my blog, thanks nevertheless. I get very depressed when I think of how young you guys are compared to the antique me. Haiz...

Blogging Well-wishers

giraffes
Who made me a very cute poop!

Smiling crap rawks!

I've got an interesting fan! And I still don't know if you're a guy or a gal! Very much appreciated!

dweam
"haha happy birthday girl! unfortunately i dont have $$ to give u. monopoly can? been working myself silly to get the exact same present for myself and landed myself in this state *sniffles* hee.

have a wonderful birthday! *hugs*"

Heavenly Sword
"Happy Birthday, jllt! I'm so sorry that my briefcase with the $200K was stolen....Hope you don't mind :)"

cheneille
"half an hour to ur birthday!! hehe i bet ur out clubbing somewhere~~ happy birthdaY!!! i dont hope u have a great day. i KNOW u'll have one so i'll save d hope for somethin else instead. an extremely good birthday blog! hahahaha!
toodles!"

yellowpony
"Happy Birthday!

The End."

***

I am 22! Yikes! Although some people think you must have a super big group of people to have a smashing party, I think what matters most was that I had great company from my small cliques.

So my birthday eve was spent barbecuing on a beautiful day and the earlier part of the big day itself was at Changi Airport's Starbucks gossiping and bitching about this and that with my secondary school gang. For 5 hours with nary a break!

I did not have any cake on my birthday because the aim was just to have a gathering of sorts. So, cake wasn't an essential but I bought myself one at Starbucks anyway.

I'm not hua chi; the sunflower is there to cover the face of some stranger who tried to steal my thunder.

Yes, I bought ONE slice. So I had to attack it before my friends did.

The birthday was spent recuperating from the 5-hour bitching session and lazing around with the great Don was the crème de la crème of idling.

***

Things to do for your birthday

1. Find out about birthday discounts
It only come once a year and you should pamper yourself! Many places gives privileges or freebies so long as you show them your ICs. I went for a manicure and pedicure at Voxy which offers 50% discount for birthday babies! ¼ of the result:

The French Manicure a.k.a The Porn Star Manicure

If you are a member of some shop, they will most probably send you some discount coupons (and/or useless computerized cards) in your mailbox so keep a lookout for them! I even received an SMS from MacDonald's (because my mother signed my EZ Link up for the points thingy) wishing me happy birthday!

2. Make resolutions
I always find excuses to make resolutions (so I will be filled with a sense of purpose. Whether I stick to them or not is another matter) and I think birthdays are wonderful for that. We look back at the year past and think about how to make our lives better. My resolutions are:

Spend less on shoes and bags

Pack my sty

Sleep before midnight (I'll start tomorrow k?)

Be less sarcastic so I will be more appealing to local boys

Stop bitching and crapping about everything

3. Kowtow to your parents
If you do not have parents who deserve this, please skip it. For others who have supportive parent(s), don't be an ass and forget about your mum and/or dad on your birthday. I learnt of someone who asked her parents to get her diamond earrings for her 21st birthday and yet did not invite any of her family members to her birthday party. Diamonds? I stone you more likely.

Weird weird web

The Internet is a very interesting place! I was surfing around, typing in keywords that come to my mind and had some rather odd findings:

1. Latino @ msn.com
Why do latinos need a separate section for themselves on msn.com? What is the rationale behind this (il)logic?

Categorized!

So you click and you realized that it changes the displayed language. Great! But why at the bottom of the sidebar where one can hardly see it (unless one is a woman or a kid)?

2. The invisible Victoria's Secret foot
Victoria's Secret is a place where you are tempted to get almost everything because of the figures of the damn models. You think the same top will look at good on everyone else? Think again. And it is home to the invisible foot:

Footwear of the moment: Espadrilles

Where's the foot to the beige wedge?

3. Women wanted for online dating (Sarcastic ones need not apply)
1match1 is a great place to meet singles! But they have a problem: men outnumber by women 3 to 1. So more women should join in the fun. However, the male members have stated their preferences:

Turn-on
Long hair on a woman
No. 1 turn-off
Sarcasm

LOCAL MEN DO NOT LIKE SARCASTIC WOMEN! Can you believe it?!?!?! I love sarcasm! It helps you keep your wits about you and it's fun to duel with words. Why are sarcastic women not welcome?!

What is the big deal about long hair? Everyone can have it. If the men like it, they can also grow some themselves and stroke it all day long!

Way weird!

Wishlist

My birthday is this Sunday! Boohoohoo... And I thought that it would be a good idea to let the few friends who read my blog know what I want for my present...
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It's simple really...

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I want cold, hard cash!

No vouchers (I want to freedom to shop wherever I like!). No decorative whatevers (My room can join the Garung-Guni Mess Contest!). No clothes (What if it doesn't fit?!). No shoes (I have way too many of these already!). No bags (I'm eyeing weird colors most people will refuse to get for me!). And most definitely no stuffed toys (Hello? I'm turning 22???).

So, please just give me money. This beats giving me pets I cannot eat, soaps I don't use or photoframes I don't bear to sell but have too many of. In case you are wondering, this is a very very very common practice in among my cliqués.

My friends, I have helped you solved your problem. You don't have to give me any present. Just cash will do. Really.

GSS Special V - Persistance + Annoyance != Assistance

As promised, today's post will be on... ... ... the sales assistants of GSS!

I think we have a love-hate relationship with the sales people. They are the people who help us locate the last 70% off bag but they are also the same people who told us we have to get the poopy-brown tank top that goes with nothing (Sorry, poopy. I love you but I have to say you look like shit.).

Some of my personal pet peeves with regards to certain sales assistants: (I don't think they are helping in any way though.)

The Noisy Introducer
She will be the person who rattles off product information when you touch any items in her shop.

That comes in three colors!!! !!! !!! Yellow, green and blue!!! !!! !!!
We only have this shipment!!! !!! !!! No more stocks coming in!!! !!! !!! Better hurry and buy today!!! !!! !!!
You can sling this across your shoulders or carry it by your side!!! !!! !!!

It's just a coincidental bump! Get lost!

The No-Cluer
The direct opposite of The Noisy introducer, The No-Cluer is the one who has no idea whatsoever about her products.

How much does this cost? - Dunno...
Does this come in black? - Dunno...
You have a new piece of this? - Dunno...

Don't know then do your boss a favor and sack yourself.

The Thrower
I fucking hate those shits who throw clothes onto the top of your fitting room door to "let you try". I have eyes and I don't like your Ah Lian taste. Kindly leave me and my cubicle door alone. These are sales "assistants" who will take note of your measurements and throw you every item in that size because it's "new arrival". No thanks, babe. Save your style for your Ah Beng boi boi.

The Dog-Eyed
There is a chinese saying which is, when translated literally,"Dog eye see people low, don't know kind-soul good." (Bad translation I know but the meaning is around there.) Anyway, The Dog-Eyed is the bitch who doesn't give a shit about you because you do not flaunt your wealth but fawn over the tai-tai in Versace's silk tops carrying Chanel quilted bags like a lap dog. Hello! You think everyone must be stupid and show off their platinum cards to become the target of kidnappers is it?

The Fake Accented
These make my hair stand on ends. Fakos here are usually carrying out orders to greet and bid their customers goodbyes. Weirdly though, they somehow interpret this to mean that their "Welcome"s and "Have a nice day"s must be in a poseur slang that is neither here nor there. And how am I suppose to respond to an insincere farewell after I leave the shop? Do I turn back and realize I'm stupidly smiling at the person's back? Fear not! There are three other ways to look cooler:

For the hypocritical you.

For the ½-honest you.

For the real honest you.

That's right! Do not turn back and acknowledge their insincerity!

***

That's all darlings! Hope you have enjoyed my GSS special as much as I have enjoyed crapping them up. Have fun at the GSS! Muack muack!

GSS Special I - Preparations

GSS Special II - Aliens by the Billions

GSS Special III - Male & Shop = Pale & Whop

GSS Special IV - Nasty Motifs, Crafty Motives

GSS Special V - Persistance + Annoyance != Assistance

GSS Special IV - Nasty Motifs, Crafty Motives

Have you ever stepped into a shop and wonder why certain interior design is the way it is? The brightness of lights, the lack of mirrors inside the fitting rooms or the thin curtain "doors"... All these must be the evil intentions of shop owners to get us to buy their products. Especially so during the GSS when some goods are in less-than-desirable conditions. Let's reveal their motives:

Dimmed Lights
Some shops are not very brightly lit because we know everyone looks better in the dark. Shop owners are sticking to the mantra of "never making your customers look bad". You know how you sometimes wake up feeling that you would have a good day shopping and step into a boutique where the lights show your warts and all? Not a very conducive buying atmosphere right? So, some shops are cleverly designed to show off your assets: the angles of the spotlights to pick up the bearest hint of cleavage, the reduced glare from the lights to obscure your zits or pores. If you feel good about yourself, you are most likely to think you look nice in everything. And so? You buy, buy, buy and buy somemore.

Steps/Stairs/Uneven-flooring
I think these are in the way to make you fall so you will concuss and think you have the body of Gisele Bundchen or something.

Banana for you?

You will then hallucinate and be tricked into believing whatever the sales assistants tell you. After the spinning in your head stops, you will finally realize only the real Gisele can look good in a banana-colored string bikini.

Liar Mirrors
We should all not be strangers to these. That's why I love to see my reflection outside the Rolex shop (located in between Paragon and Lucky Plaza) because it makes me (look) slimmer! Yikes! Anyway, this kind of mirrors should be banned in boutiques because they are liars and make you buy stuff that make you look like a hippo. Very easy to spot, just see if the bottom of the mirror is flat against the wall or not. If it is not, then it'a a liar mirror.

Missing Mirrors
The most irritating is when you are wearing your old frayed bra and undies while trying on clothes and realize that there are no mirrors in your cubicle! How the hell are you supposed to know whether something looks good on you if you have no reflection to look at? Once you step out of the cubicle to check out the mirrors outisde, a sales assistant will bombard you with insincere compliments. Suddenly, you are not aware of being in the open with your well-worn lingerie on the show and feel like a million bucks in the 2-sizes-too-small dress (which you will invariably buy).

Thin Curtain Doors
Technically speaking, they are not even doors. Where have all the doors gone? These days, you will be hard-pressed to find a shop with real doors. Most have substituted the good, old wooden doors with curtains. Maybe some shop owners are voyeurs because they made their curtains a few inches too small and leave a gaping hole for others to peek in, no matter how hard to try to close it. But the real issue is those thin curtains that shows your silhouette even when fully closed. What is the real motive? I suspect they want to make us aware of being on the show and hurry our fittings so we will exit fast and buy even faster.

***

Yes! Shop owners are indeed very crafty! We have disclosed some of the tricks up their sleeves. But they still have a weapon: their sales assistants. In the final installment of this GSS special, we will explore techniques of sales assistants! Muack muack, darlings! Until tomorrow!

GSS Special I - Preparations

GSS Special II - Aliens by the Billions

GSS Special III - Male & Shop = Pale & Whop

GSS Special IV - Nasty Motifs, Crafty Motives

GSS Special III - Male & Shop = Pale & Whop

I feel very uncomfortable shopping with guys. Boyfriend, male pals, man buddies, basically just all men! I don't know any male gays so I have no idea whether there are any differences. And I think guys should be banned from GSS (at places selling stuff for women only, that is) because they are either very pale while glancing at the price tags or look very much in the mood to whop the ass out of someone. In general, most guys are not that into shopping and would rather be playing their PS2/3s, surfing online, watching movies or having a beer with the lads.

Furthermore, the comments they give you while shopping are usually those you can do without. Most are not, like what American Idol's parrots love to say, constructive criticisms. Now, compare that to shopping with a honest girlfriend. She will not hesitate to tell you you have a hippo butt in that jeans or that your fats bulge out from the top of the tube. Some guys may not even know what a tube is! My friend called it "towel".

Alloy: These, my friend, are tubes.

Another guy asked whether Sherry was too poor to afford proper bottoms because she was wearing capris.

GoJane: Look like an auntie in cropped pants? Try pairing with heels or wedges instead of slippers!

Grab a guy and question if he knows what a shrug is. He will probably just move his shoulders. Technically not wrong but not the shrug we girls are looking for.

Victoria's Secret: Although also related to the shoulders, this shrug is probably more useful for keeping warm rather than to display indifference.

Some other issues while shopping with guys:

The Mantra
There must be some kind of male code going around. Because if you ask the guy whether the clothes look nice, he will resort to the "everything looks nice, nothing looks better" mantra. But this mantra may not be totally useless: it tells you the intentions of the guy. If he is your boyfriend, he will have pair this with a look that is only suitable for the bedroom. If he is someone after you, you will notice that he is half-serious. If he is just a friend, he will be laughing away.

The Weird Tastes
Even if the guys do not mind shopping with you, most are clueless about the latest fashion. No point asking them which color is nicer because they will just respond with their favorite colors, never mind that yellow was so last season. The boyfriend may also just pick whatever is cheaper or made of lesser cloth.

The Blocker
Somehow some guys never seem to notice that they are obstacles. Of course, you will not mind that your guy is in the way because you are still in awe over how lucky you are to be able to drag a reluctant, black-faced boyfriend out shopping (although we all know your real motives are to make him foot the bills or carry your bags). At GSS, we see boyfriends standing faithfully outside fittings rooms, struggling with numerous shopping bags in the middle of nowhere or arguing with their girlfriends over the price tags while at the cashier. If the guy is a stranger, I am usually very pissed with him standing in the way as I hurry from sale to sale. Sometimes, I just use my bags to fight my way through the unmovable wall of boyfriends.

***

So do your guy and everyone else a favor: leave him at home if he is unwilling to tag along. Just grab his credit card. Part IV will be on shop's designs and the owners' real designs. Happy shopping, darlings!

GSS Special I - Preparations

GSS Special II - Aliens by the Billions

GSS Special III - Male & Shop = Pale & Whop

GSS Special II - Aliens by the Billions

GSS has the tendency to bring out the evil in people. We have all heard of the "kiasu Singaporean" term and there is no time better to see this uniquely Singapore phenomenon than during sales.

So today's blog will be about the ugly shoppers for GSS! Those who have read my blog from more than a year ago may recall a similar post but what the heck! I think it is quite relevant for GSS. So, here are the aliens that flock by the billions to sales!

The Hoarder
She goes through the shop like a tornado and grabs whatever catches her fancy. It doesn't matter if they not her size because she just wants to load them all into her baskets. She can make her decision on what to buy (or not at all) at the later date after she has hoard all the best gets. If she doesn't want a piece, she would just throw it anywhere so fellow shoppers really have to hunt for it.

The Flipper
She rummages through clothes at top speed and leaves a trail of destruction wherever she goes. It doesn't matter that salesgirls have a hard enough job during sales; she has to add to their woes by disrupting their neatly folded clothes just so she can look at a new piece of the item that is already on display.

The Mirror Fighter
Most of us would have had the bad experience of meeting one of these. She is the one who thinks that no one can be prettier than her or is under the illusion that she grew up eating glass. Why? Because she does not care that others are using the mirror and has no qualms about blocking them to stand in front of the mirror. Try to outdo her by taking a step forward? Useless. She will just move until the whole mirror only shows her ugly reflection and has no space for anyone else.

The Eyer
This is the person with darting eyes that eyes what everyone else has picked up. If she spots a good get someone else is holding, she will not let it out of her sight. She would trail and stalk the person until the latter is freaked out and hurries off without getting anything. The Eyer would then lay her grubby paws on the item that was meant to be someone else's.

The Slider
You know how you sometimes have to nurse your fingers while browsing through the racks? This is all thanks to The Slider who will not care about others on the opposite side who are browsing through the same rack. She will skim through the clothes at supersonic speed, leaving the opposite party with fingers that are bruised from being caught in her whirlwind sliding motions. Sometimes you are slowly looking through the clothes on a particular shelf when The Slider descends on you and takes over your rack.

New! The Tester
Do remember to check your products! I spotted two disgusting aliens today. One tried on a pair of earrings when the sales assistants were too busy to keep an eye on them (What was she? A baby that required constant monitoring?) and did not buy them! The other happily painted her nails with varnishes that were not testers! From today onwards, I am going to sterilize every pair of earrings I buy! Eeks!

***

Many shoppers morph into aliens during GSS! A super big bane of sales is to crowd with people of these sorts. Let's look at the pale males of GSS tomorrow! Ciao darlings!

GSS Special I - Preparations

GSS Special II - Aliens by the Billions

GSS Special I - Preparations

It's nearly the end of May! And why does it merit a post? Not only is it my birthday, it is also the time when we get ready for some very serious shopping! It is the Great Singapore Sales!

In view of this important annual event, I thought to myself: Hey! It will be bloody cool to blog about GSS! It will draw many people to my blog and I can get famous! Right... Anyway, in Part One of this 5-part special (because there are 5 days to the official GSS opening!), we should start off with the basics: The pre-shopping preparations.

Footwear
Someone told me I blog too much about shoes. I cannot help it! It's a girl thing! Ok, it's my thing. Anyway, you know you are probably going to shop for the whole of two months so that calls for some serious planning right? Do you think you can manage hurrying from one sale to another on stilts however gorgeous they might be?

Nine West: Maybe better as something to buy during the sales.

Then some may opt for flip-flops. But flip-flops seldom match with all the clothes we get during sales, unless the only things we are planning to get are beachwear or we are just going for the hippy/boho look. Otherwise, it is very hard to know whether we should buy a pair of black pants when we "match" them with our oh-so-comfy flips.

Roxy: Save them for the day at Sentosa.

So, the next best thing would be a pair of flat, rounded pumps! Sandals will be great as well though rushing from sale to sale would probably mean that our pretty toes will get stampeded on. Shit! My pedicure got chipped! *!&$8@%#$!!

X:odus: Support local brands.

Clothes
Our clothes are our armors against other ardent shoppers. Besides wearing durian shells to be able to zoom in quickly on must-buys, we should also stop showering from today onwards. If the shells do not work, at least our accumulated sweat will ward cool-gets snatchers off.

It might be a good idea to wear shirts or tops with wide collars so we can easily slip them off without messing up the hair and/or makeup.

Raoul: I'm only putting this here to show you the fine shirt. Nothing to do with the beautiful model.

Mango: Wide-collared tops do not have to look boring. For some of the best sales.

The bottom should be cropped pants.

Abercrombie & Fitch: For girly gets.

Why? Jeans are too hot. If it rains, it will remain wet and make it too uncomfortable to continue shopping. Skirts are too restricting on our pace. How to get from Sale A to Sale B in a minute if those minis don't allow us to walk as fast as we could have?

Head
If you have great skin (Pui! Go away. Don't talk to me.), a simple lip gloss and blush will do. Or just a touch of concealer. Not very good to wear mascara that might run or bright lippies that might dirty the clothes while trying them. If foundation is a must, then not around the jaw or neck. We wouldn't want the sales assistants to have any excuse to make us buy the stained clothing right?

M.A.C: Lipglass in a spectrum of colors. Yum!

For hair, we are lucky this season because the messy look is in. So we don't have to style and worry about looking like a siao char bor after an hour in the fitting room. Best to let it loose and no need for ponytails (we all know how ponytails leave an ugly line and force us to tie our hair the whole day so the mark will be less obvious).

Toni&Guy: Let it be dishevelled.

Itinerary
There is no time to waste so we have to plan our tracks well. Cannot backtrack and lose precious minutes. It is also important to know where the great sales are. Some sales sell stuff from more than 2 seasons ago (what a sin!) while others offer discounts for new arrivals. Just because it is GSS doesn't mean we should have to make do with items that are so yesterday!

Itineraries are also important to schedule and plan our feet breaks and drinks replenishments. Mark out the places where you can sit and rest while sipping a quick drink. Again, no backtracking!

Money
The thing everyone wouldn't mind having more of. Some of my friends' wallets suffer serious damages during sales and have to starve for the rest of the month. Basically, there are two main ways to make payments, each with their pros and cons:

1) Nets, debit cards and cash
Pros: These are those that set a lower limit on our spendings. Nets and debit both depends on the amount we have in our bank accounts. Might be advisable to have a spending account that is separate from the savings account. Cash can be limited by virtue of bringing a fixed amount out.

Cons: Just short of $1 for that gorgeous satin top at 70% off!

2) Credit cards
Pros: Higher limit made available. Lesser problems when we want to get that last piece of lace cami.

Cons: Heart attack when the bill arrives.

***

So there we have it. The preparations for GSS. Tomorrow, we will look at the aliens of GSS. Stay tuned!

GSS Special I - Preparations

The price of fame

After my blog was recommended by Sunday Times as "Hot Blog", I got all paranoid. If someone look at me or just glance in my direction, I would freeze. Is he going to ask me for my autograph? Could she be thinking that I look better in my photos rather than in real? So far, no one has approached me yet.

But when I went out today, I could not shake off the feeling that I was being watched. When I turned around, there was no one. I really thought there was a stalker lurking in the corner. My friend told me I was being an idiot. So I tried to shop around and admire the places I never knew existed in Singapore. Did you know there are extremely retro looking shops* like these:

With some humans around, it looked very nice and trendy. You know, vintage whatevers are fashionable nowadays and it's important to be chic, darling.

But without people ...

(Ok... Imagine that you cannot see the reflections.)

Kind of spooky right?

Just when I thought it could not get any spookier, I took a picture and came back with this:

Can you spot the eerie apparition smacked in the middle of the photo**? Yikes!

Tried as I might, I could not get rid of the ridiculous sense of being on a pedestal. If I pick on the imaginary booger, will someone take a picture of me? Or stop reading my blog? I will be mightily sad man... Boohoohoo. So I refrained my fingers from going anywhere near my nose. No mean feat.

Suddenly

It was right in front of me! I wasn't being an idiot! I was being watched!

And it was not alone! There were many many of them***!

Haiz... The price of fame.

* The fantastic retros are at Change Alley Aerial Plaza Tower.
** You really thought it was a ghost sighting meh? Just taking a photo of Clifford Pier through a window. A very dirty one.
*** Catch them all at Raffles Place! Use Exit B from the MRT.

Shop @ BYSI

Life's Urban is offering 25% off BYSI products for its readers from today to Sunday! Min. purchase of $50.

See! I'm so nice to share! Muahahahahah...

The Ant

Do you sometimes wonder whether ants feel pain or fear?

Armed with this question, I went and sought out some ants to find the answer. Boy was I in for a surprise!

This groundbreaking documentary attempts to show the complex relationships in insect world. The central character Ant, has been constantly harassed by Bully. Bully is mean sonofabitch and has no qualms about using dirty tricks to get what he wants. And he wants Ant. If he ain't gonna get her, no one else if going to have a piece of Ant.

What will happen to Ant?
Will Bully truimph?
Or will there be a twist to the story?

Find out now!

Food for the poor soul

I am a poor student. And I hope to remain one if I am to get to further my studies. So me and my fellow poor student friends have very little to spare on food. The most expensive meal we have are at one of those pseudo-restaurants. Why pseudo? Because they are not those with the immaculate services, perfect placement of crockery nor a wide selection. That is not to say the food is bad. On the contrary, some of the food keep us going back for more. I will really appreciate recommendations from fellow poor students diners. Here, I have come up with a few of my faves. So get ready a bucket and read on!

***

Cafe Cartel's Free Bread - $0
For something that is free, this is excellent bread. On your lucky day, you can even get those hot from the stove (or deliveryman). But because it is free, you have to choose your seat carefully. Get a place near the bread so you can snatch it up as soon as it gets refilled. Slather on the heavenly butter and you've got yourself a meal.

Coffee Club's Mud Pie - $6.50++(?)
A sinful delight. I don't really know what goes into it but I sure know it is a heavenly cool treat. There should be coffee ice-cream, chocolate ice-cream, Hershey's chocolate syrup and oreo crumbs. I prefer the Paragon outlet because there are less people and thus, more opportunities for you to tease the waiters. But please don't all flock there and deprive me of my seat and teasing chances.

Crystal Jade Xiao Long Bao & La Mian ~ $10++ (For la mian and 2 side dishes to share with your friend)
One of the healthiest on my list. This is the place for you if you like food that are light. Hey! Rhymes, right? I would recommend "Pai Gu La Mian" (La Mian with fried pork ribs), Shanghai Xiao Long Bao, "Si Ji Dou" (4 seasons beans? Lol... Just something that looks like long beans), Teh Terik (Yes, they have that and it's aroy*!) and Drunken Chicken. Do ask for more sliced ginger for your tiny baos and drown them in vinegar. Ahhhhh... Delicious. Should always eat the baos first because they don't taste that good when cold. Some day I shall blog about the correct way to eat them. Sadly too, some outlets are not as good as the others. The branch at Taka has good workmanship for the food but the service can be a letdown because it is usually very busy. The ginger slices here are all too coarsely chopped. A better outlet would be the one at Toa Payoh Central (near the HDB hub) where the culinary skills are not as good but the service and ginger slices are perfection.

Four Leaves' Coco Exotic - $4.50/slice(?)
Chocolate makes you happy! This cake is filled with delicious mousse and amazingly crunchy hazelnut flakes. The sweetness is just right and you get the tangy raspberry to balance out this sugar-laden sin. It can get a wee bit too chocolatey so sharing is a good idea. Maybe eat it off your partner's body part? Lol... Just a suggestion.

Golden Village's Popcorn - $8/large combo(?)
This popcorn is golden alright. With such a price tag, it better be sprinkled with gold dust. Can choose to have it sweet or salted or mixture of both. The best part about this popcorn is that it doesn't have the "lao hong", leathery texture. When I was in secondary school, they used to add melted butter on top of the popcorn. But sadly, it went missing after a while. Probably because the adults complained about it soiling their expensive working clothes or their date's shoulders.

Free baby with each combo!

MOS Burger's Iced Milk Tea -$1.95/$2.25/$2.55(Small/Medium/Large)
Those tiny milk packages that comes with this drink are so cute! But don't know why, the counter staff are usually very reluctant to give you the right amount of milk(ie. 2 for small, 3 for medium and 4 for large). The QC for this drink is also not very good. Some outlet are very stingy with the ice while others are very concerned about your sugar intake and make the drink very bland. Nevertheless, one of the best drinks to have when you need to sit down with your girls to bitch and gossip after a hard day of shopping (But shopping is never hard, so maybe just a place to put down your shopping bags?).

Old Chang Kee's Fried Stuff - From 70¢(?)
The best food are always bad for you. Haiz. Old Chang Kee has one of the best curry puffs in Singapore and the sotong whatevers are also oiishi nehz. Better grab a can of green tea to down this snack. Very bad for throat, skin and diet but too delicious and convenient to avoid.

Pastamania's Spicy Chicken - $5.90
White sauces are good as well but can get a bit too much towards the middle. So spicy chicken is the choice for me. I usually get mine without the peas. Come to think of it, why do peas have membranes? So they can embarass you when you are out on a date? Anyway, Pastamania give out these cards for you to get your littles stamps and collect free food along the way. I even got a privilege card! Want one? Just chomp your way throught 50 pastas/pizzas. One thing though, some outlets have pretty bad chefs. So it may not taste the same everywhere. I think the best is from Suntec's foodcourt. I once went for the mushroom soup at an outlet where it had the taste of rust. Not very appetizing.

R.S or R.K Prata Shop's Milo Dinosaur - $2.50
I suspect they drug the concoction of milo, milo powder, ice-cream and lychee because I keep thinking about it! At a mere $2.50, you get this huge mug of heatiness. But the lychee/logan saves the day! Pop it at the end to feel its cooling effects. Almost a meal in itself.

Shihlin's XXL Crispy Chicken - $3/serving
More fried goodies. Served piping hot from the oh-so-fattening oil, this chicken is fried after you ordered it and mixed with a variety of spices to create a sneeze-inducing vapor. So stand away from the staff as they bang the two cans of powdered spices together. My only complaint is this lousy female elderly staff. She does her work very sloooooooooooooooooooowly, kaypoh about things that are not in her charge (like giving people change, telling customers off when they ask when their food will be ready, introducing the new drinks they have) and short-change you by giving you a 50% discount (off the weight of your chicken that it). I always forget to note down the email address so I would really appreciate it if anyone can let me know the channel to complain. I happened to be the recipient of her bad service for 5 times and each time is worse that the previous. But the chicken is really nice because it's served hot and you can even choose to have it spicier or otherwise. Yum!

Check out the men behind the chicken.

***

Come come, share some affordable places to eat with me. Preferably those under $20 and can be found at a number of places. Heh heh. Can feel my stomach rumbling already.

*aroy = pronounciation for delicious in Thai.

"Watch out for the wallpaper"

This blog (yes, the one you are reading now) got featured on Sunday Times. You want proof? Go buy the paper la! And turn over the page for more on how blogging can get you into trouble.

I was quite sad to read the "review". Apparently, my poopy wallpaper was not appreciated. I was just keeping what I have learnt in mind: to have a consistent feel for your website. So I have people who commented being described as "defecated" and poopy is all around for the "consistent feel". Who will appreciate my dear poopy? ):

Part 1

Update (16 May 2005, 12.20AM): I don't think I sound like XX at all and I am certainly not looking to be her. No one really wants to be seen as someone else's replica right? Hahaha.. Not that there is anything wrong with XX; in fact, I rather enjoy her blog.

After my friends told me my blog was mentioned, it was pretty freaky. Do I have to wear shades now to protect my blogdom? Not a bad thing, since I have one of those big sunglasses favored by celebrities. Now people can really guess who's that girl! Lol...

If you are reading this, give me a comment! Am I really like Xiaxue?

What exams does to you (Of birds, male strippers and stilettoes)

Of birds:
Please turn on your speakers to listen to the sounds I hear at the time I sleep during exams.

Yes. I sleep in the morning when the birds are out to catch worms. I realize most birds have a sense of rhythm. They chirp at (almost) regular beats. Will make good clocks too because they start at 6AM daily.

***

Of male strippers:
A conversation between a female friend and myself.

Friend (F): this saturday my friend jio me go see strip club
F: of guys
F: wahahhaa
F: i want to go... but no time
Me (M): as in guys stripping? haha
M: will b interesting
F: YESH! u will never get to see it in Singapore lor
F: i tell u hor... u go queensland muz watch... wahahahaha
M (ever concern about the wallet, or rather in keeping the hole small): cheap?
F: i think 15 or what lah... anyway i describes perth's one.. u describe queensland's one... see gt any geographical difference between the guys
F: ops..i think i gone gugu
M: haha.. bigger down there and more flaccid?
M: i wonder u go see strip club theirs will be standing or sleeping... if sleeping like no kick

I think we both need a doctor. Yum...

***

Of stilettoes
Somehow, prancing around the room in new stilettoes can actually help you achieve a zen-like state. You are caught in the flow of balancing on 4" stilts and your mind is cleared of all distractions. The act soon becomes autotelic and you almost forget you have exams. Well, almost... Yeah, guys must be scratching their heads now. It's a girl thing. I have friends asking me why girls need so many pairs of shoes when they only have one pair of feet. It's inherent, darling.

French pedicure rules! Someone once told me it reminded him of porn stars. +_+

Dark polishes hide the dirt under your toe nails!

Why (almost) everyone looks good at clubs

Went clubbing last night. Feet hurt like hell (fucking damn boots) so spent some time pondering why everyone around me was looking so ecstatic. Then I realized, everyone probably feel everyone else is looking good. Couple of reasons for this:

1. The lights (or lack of)
There is almost no light to speak of. So everyone looks cool and happening. The lack of light also makes dorks feel that it is safer to act the monkey. Everyone is letting loose and dancing around like mad people, trying to impress others. Some succeed while most fail miserably. But hey! Clubbing is about having fun. All that matters is that you think you rock.
The darkness also makes it easier for you to think that others look better than they actually do. When that happens, it’s not much of a problem getting down and dirty with him/her.

No one will be turning on the lights. So relax!

2. The expectation
Some go with the idea that clubbers are inherently cool. Hell, if you listen in on some teenagers’ conversations, you can gather that they think going to Zouk and going home before midnight is “being funky”. Then, you would imagine that everyone else is as hip as you. Well, they are all at Zouk, aren’t they?

This is what you expect right? Don't bloody lie! Not gonna happen man.

3. The preparation
So, when you expect people to look good, you naturally do not want to lose out right? Then, the contact lens and hair gel make their appearances for guys who usually don't give a fuck. For some gals, there are the customary shopping trips or the numerous mixing and matching of clothes, shoes, handbags, accessories, undies to get that perfect outfit. Slap on some war paint and you are ready to PARTY!

Yes! Realize the power of make-up, fools!

4. The booze
At the joint, you hit the bar to get some drinks to loosen up. But oops! A drop too much and everyone appears to be a babe or hunk. Although you might wonder why it is so easy to chat up the “chio bu” or “yandao”, you let it slide because you think you are cool enough in the darkness to attract the good-lookers. After all, you spent the better part of the afternoon spiking your hair or putting on fake lashes didn’t you?

Yes, just a drop too much.

5. The flailing arms
After a drop too much, everyone is also trashing about in the monkey dancing. No one really gives a shit whether they hit anyone (that’s the job of the loyal, sober friend: to apologize). Then you get a whack on your head which is probably good for you because everyone else just looked nicer. Oh… wait a minute… is the room spinning? What’s this coming up my throat?

Woah! Too hot for you to handle?

Are we stupid?

In the past, we see a lot of mobile phone advertisements in the papers. Nowadays, when we flip through the papers, there are a godzillion ads for slimming centres. Most of them are simply hilarious to me. Some of the agencies seem to think that we, as consumers, are brainless. We see a pretty girl, we think we can be that pretty girl, then we buy. Let's see some of the tricks they use in an attempt to cajole women into getting slimming treatments.

The use of already slim celebrities
We see near-aneroxic celebrities being used to endorse certain slimming products. Lo and behold! The celebrity would actually be someone who loves to eat, not exercise and simply not get fat! Wow! Because of XXX slimming product, she could eat all she wants and not gain an ounce! The difference before using the product and after using it is astounding! She's smiling after eating those pills! It must be good!

Quick! We have to buy it!

The horrible, photoshopless "Before" pics

The "Before" images invariably will have women sitting on chairs in slouched positions. Very strangely, these are usually celebrities whom we have always known to have immaculate postures. Which person can avoid slight "layers" in the stomach while seaten? Then, the "Before" photos have them wearing clothes that are too small, to show off their fats because the cloth clings to the bulges formed, in the first place, by the ill-fitting clothes. Of course, make-up is a sin for these images, let alone Photoshopping.

The flawless, poreless "After" pics
Women in the "After" images are always impeccable, with full make-up, wearing glamourous dresses.

Their postures are something we can learn! Will be great for taking photographs. Firstly, the hands must be on the hips so the flab in the upper arms will not be so obvious. Then one leg must be in front of the other, slightly bent, so we can look taller. These "After" photos will also be photoshopped so the girls in them look like they do not have pores. No fats and no pores! OMG! We so have to sign a treatment program with the slimming centre! Can slim down and smooth out simultaneously!

The disclaimer
Have you noticed how the ads always have a * somewhere in the large print?

If we follow this *, we will come to a chunk of words at the bottom that are hardly legible. Then magnifying these words by a couple thousand times, we have:

So there is some kind of contradiction here. First you claim, then you tell people it is actually not so with a disclaimer in minuscule print. Maybe only the lucky one out of a million can lost 10kg in a single session. Alas! That someone will not be you if you do not stick to a carrot-and-pea diet or a 3-hour daily exercise regime.

The ones with incredible measurement techniques
Ever seen one of those where the woman will proclaimed to have lost 0.x cm? As if we don't know she can suck in her stomach, or tighten the measuring tape to take a smaller measurement.

With such a technique, anyone can lost 0.x cm in a day.

I'm sorry if this post burst the bubbles of marketers out there. More new tricks? ^-^