Thursday, July 07, 2005

Drive your friends crazy

Always feel that nothing you do can irk your friends? Tired of looking at your buddy's bored expression? Want to do something to piss them off so at least your get SOME kind of response from them? Fear not! I am here to impart some of the things you can do to make your friends go ARGH! and wonder why they know you in the first place.


1. The Wanton Act

Firstly, I am not referring to wanton in the sexual sense. I am talking about the food. Normally, wanton soup looks like this:

My mama makes really tasty wantons! Shall try to get her to cook and use that as my next Idiot-Proofed Recipe!

To crazified your friend, soak a piece of tissue (used or otherwise is not important) into the soup. Stir it around until it resembles a piece of wanton. Of course, you have to do this when friend is looking at an imaginary "chio bu"/"yandao" you conjured up in the far distance. Next take out your camera and get ready to snap the look on your friend's face when you offer him/her your special wanton. Priceless.

2. Pukey tea

Nausea-inducing tea is easy to make. You just need a packet of creamer, a cup of tea and a strong stomach. Make sure the tea is lukewarm before attempting this evil concoction. Add creamer to the tea and stir gently to form lumpy tea that looks like this:

Strong stomach is needed to ensure that you don't puke before your friends do. That would be such an insult to yourself.

Shove the cup in front of your friend and have a paper bag ready.

3. Perform stunts

There are a number of weird things you can do to drive your buddies up the wall. You can show them how you can bend your hand backwards to touch your wrist or how you can twist your thumb until it settles comfortably below the knuckle of your index finger. To draw more "EEEEEEEEEEEE" you can pose for photographs while attempting to poke your eye. Give friend a spoon to catch your eyeball.

Alicia could still smile! I must be getting too predictable!

4. Cause bodily harm to yourself

This is also a test of friendship. Somewhat similar to 3. but more dangerous. Kids, don't try this at home. Some of the things you can do to make your friends loco include eating the tableware and severing your tongue with a bite. Those who are true friends will bother to send you to hospital. Otherwise, you will likely end up in a pool of your own blood. You can also try what my friend did, that is, pick on your scab with a pencil. Let the beautiful pus ooze out for all to see. While you are still alive.

Sure fired way to get an infection.

5. Attack famished friends
If you are not brave enough to try method 4. (I have not heard from or about that friend in a long, long, long, long while...), this is the one for you. When your starving friend's food finally arrive, insist on taking photographs of his/her meal from every angle, using every photo mode available in your camera. If this doesn't drive them crazy, they are probably already dead from starvation.

You can make them do the peace sign.

Best is to let them eat a piece of chicken then start your 1 hour long photography session.

Or just ask them to hold their chopsticks up with their trembling-weak-from-the-lack-of-food fingers.

You can take your own sweet time to arrange the cutlery to test their patience further.

And take pictures until the pipping-hot-only-nice-when-eaten-immediately 四季豆 turn ice-cold...

Until the 拉面 turn into mush...

Until the 小龙包 has no more dragon.

Take those of the mango pudding without the milk...

And those when the milk is ready to be poured...

When the milk is being drizzled on...

Until the pudding is soaked and can no longer be eaten.

Photos of common food like bread will do too...

Remember the solo pics!

Fishy cannot be let off...

And don't let ham and cheese miss out on the action!

Homogeneous fastfood deserve some decent shots with the sauces carefully and time-wastingly organized...

Or the harshbrowns meticulously arranged.

Lastly, use their food as props for your loco picture. And rope in their hands to hold the darn drinks!


Hopefully ur friend will give you this look!



Adrian said...

GAH! How come I know you har?? Heheh.

Soli Loquy said...

omg hahahaha i did something like that before with my family. kena scolded from my mother and brother.

"nothing better to do ah! waste film! food also want to take!"

surprisingly my friends are quite tolerant when i take pictures, because they assume it's for my blog. hehehe.

must try you puke-tea one day. si beh cun sia!

Ivan said...


I do plenty of this stuff... like the special wanton, and the puke tea... But you want to know what's the ultimate?

Next time you're at McDonald's, get every different kind of sauce they have... chilli, ketchup, bbq, curry, tartar, even drip on some vanilla ice-cream or chocolate or strawberry sauce from the sundae... then mix it all together... wahahahahahahahahaha... if you mix well, it looks like someone had a bad case of diarrhea... =D

*until the xiao long bao no more dragon*... what the hell... -_-"

starstar said...

friends tried the mcdonald's concoction once during the time they had the sauce advertising gimmick, we dared each other to eat it :D really pukey stuff!

ei|een said...

eh. i have done all this before. no wonder my friends all say i am insane lah. hahahaha ;p

Jin said...

Wah, looking at the food makes me hungry. Though they look quite eh, inedible..