Anything goes

Insomnia is bad for you. You know, the thing that keeps you up at 6.30am. It isn't all that bad if you don't remember how tons of people are going to descend upon your house in a few day's time. Also, not too bad if you don't have to clean up your pig sty of a room.

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Speaking of pigs, why do I get disgusted at programs on Asian Food Channel where chefs cook rabbit stew or pigeon while I have no qualms about eating pig innards? Food is a strange thing, really.

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Speaking of food, I wonder how people get rid of the leftovers from Chinese New Year. Do you wolf it all down and hope it will go where you want it to go but not to the waist or hips? Many people think that there is no CNY ambience in Singapore. I think they are not home-makers to begin with. If you head down to any NTUC/wet market on the eve of CNY eve, you can see the chaos that is pre-CNY marketing. I don't mean the promote-my-ass-off-my-product kind of marketing.

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Speaking of CNY, I saw the amount of fruits dad bought for ancestral worship tomorrow later today. Here's some of them:

You must remember to add in the bananas, grapes and peaches. Somehow, I suspect this Chinese custom of will become a rarity soon. Also, don't you think it's strange how unique many of us are in our religious beliefs? Some feel you have to attend church every Sunday while others think that so long as you have faith, it's enough.

But this is my favorite:

As it ripens, it tends to unfurl into a palm like shape. Hence, its name 佛手 (literally: buddha hand)

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Such mindless ramblings actually make me kind of sleepy. Wish me luck.

I don't understand it myself

I know I have blogged a lot about the idiosyncrasies of girls when it comes to shopping and the things we buy. This is going to be one of 'em posts with many poorly-taken photos to show. After my research for this post, I was perplexed by my findings. While I have narrowed my study to concentrate on one particular aspect, I think the resultant theory can be observed in many instances. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you:

The Maths of the Earrings

Step 1: 1 pile

Step 2: 1 pile/10 categories

Blues x 6

Blacks x 5

Browns x 5

Golds x 5

Greens x 3

Purples x 7

Reds x 6

Whites x 6

Multicolored x 3

Silver x 15

Step 3: Total = 56

Step 4: Those frequently in use = 9

The Chandelier

The Diamante

The Ethnic

The Hoops

The Pearl

The Resort

The Retro

The Vintage

The Drama

Step 5: Those that are bought for practically nothing = 47

The Proposed Theory
Why do women do this? Why do we perist in getting many pairs of earrings when we have only a pair of ears (for your information, I have 11 ear piercings so it's more justified in my case)? Come to think of it, we also have no lack of shoes that have caught our eyes. Why? It boils down to three words:

Just In Case

You never know when you might have to wear round-toe pumps with that oh-so-cute cherry earrings, do you? *-^

Conclusion: Those still on shopping lists = 9,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 and the men still don't get it

Have yourselves an alternative Valentine’s Day!

That time of the year is coming round again. The time when girls clutch to their bouquets in glee, secretly celebrating the fact that theirs are bigger than the girl beside them, the girl whose boyfriend will inevitably get a good glaring. The time when “romantic” restaurants get booked to the brim as every female customer comes dressed to the nines with her girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/sugar daddy carrying a long-suffering look on his/her face. It’s sure to be a long, expensive night for guys. Yes! It’s Valentine’s Day! The V-Day when guys rack their heads over where to bring their special someone and girls feign surprise when that oh-so-boring-bouquet of rose is presented to them.

But this day is not just for couples! Singles can celebrate with their (usually still single unless they fancy lighting the way for the couple) friends. Isn’t it just so uninspired to buy flowers and chocolates, meet up and go dine? Please darlings! Let’s try a little something special this year yeah? I’ll try to highlight some of the alternatives to the conventional roses-movie-candlelight-dinner-walk-in-the-park/beach day; things I remember from years of flipping magazines and watching sappy movies! And you can do these with your friends too! Let me know if love is in air after this!

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Hors d'œuvre
In place of those pralines, lingerie and itchy flora you have in mind, why not bake cookies! Never stepped into a kitchen? Don't worry! It's Betty Crocker to the rescue!

Now, Ms Crocker has graciously helped us measure flour, chocolate chips and such so that we only have to add eggs and some oil to bake the oh-so-delicious cookies that taste almost like Famous Amos'. What's interesting about this is how you can shape the cookies into anything you fancy. Want a little bedroom action? How about cookie lingerie? Hey! If there can be edible undergarments, what's wrong with some delicious chocolate chips on your favourite person? Giving it to friends? Why not give Ah Kow some bone shaped ones and the stingy friend cookie coins? If you are a bit more hardworking, you can even make cookies from scratch!

Presents? Check!

Entreés
Before the customary meal with your v-day date, you should get some action first! Wait! Come back from the bedroom a minute. That's for later. Choose from these options:

(a)Neighborhood Trekking
How many of us seriously explore our neighborhoods? I don't even know where the delicious food advertised on telly can be found in my constituency. The day when everyone is clamouring for town, we should show a little love for the place we live in. Hand in hand with your fellow trekker(s), take a long long walk around the vicinity. Maybe you can find a Zara in Ang Mo Kio, or a Hugo Boss boutique in Bukit Merah (that's some serious hallucination by the way).

Hawker Centers are good place to see look!

In any case, you get to see your territory and can even note down where there seems to be the most no. of people queueing for food. Don't be tempted to eat or you will spoil your main course!

(b) Heritage Trail
However, if you stay at some ulu ulu place that only has the local NTUC and a tiny mall, you can head down to the more "heritagious" places. Little India, Geylang Serai, Chinatown or the Raffles Place area are some good venues to explore! Why Raffles Place? It's because Sir Stamford Raffles is there of course! Besides that, you can go to the free-entry museum in Raffles Hotel.

Even if you don't to visit all these places, go to those shopping centers you seldom visit. For example, the Change Alley Aerial Plaza Tower has pretty neat retro shops.

Groovy baby!

(c)Frame It
Remember what are vanguard sheets? Those big ass hard cardboard-like papers we had to get from Popular to make those silly art files in primary school? It's off to your nearest Popular to get one of them for your friendship/love collage!

My neoprint collage! I am in every single picture. Sad hor? :P

Have you seen the 山湖海(?) MTV by Jay Chou where the male lead framed this collage that depicted days spent with the female lead? So romantic right?! So this is something like that (without the break up part in the MTV, hopefully), where you get together to make a little something that is uniquely yours. Photos, small notes, movie stubs, bus tickets (if you even know what they are), cards and such can be part of the ingredients for this project. The only problem with this activity is who gets to keep the gem. Hmm...

Entreés? Check!

Main Course
I think it seriously spoils the mood if you have to queue half an hour or more to get a table on this extremely crowded day. There are lots of alternatives where you can enjoy a meal in peace!

(a)Picnic in the Room
Spread the groundsheet! Set the plastic plates and cutlery! Pretend your ceiling light is the sun! All that is lacking is the sand! But never mind. Picnics are really about the food and company anyway! Stumped at what to eat? Try one of my recipes at the side bar! Pretty idiot-proofed lor! I think among all these, the most popular is the Shepherd's Pie!

I get hungry from just seeing it. Yum!

If you are not interested in cooking at all, maybe a fruit salad would do? Coupled with some raw oysters and chocolates. Bread as well. That should make you quite full. But it's back to the oh-so-boring meal. Zzzzz... For full effect, don your bikinis and speedos. Don't forget the sunblock as well! The smell is very important!

(b)Junkie in the Deck
Head down to your nearest NTUC and load up on the most unhealthy snacks you can find.

I'm not sure if fried bugs are unhealthy or not. Try and let me know!

Finish the excursion with a trip to 7-11 to get those microwavable food or instant noodles. Then find a nice clean void deck to stuff your faces! Since HDB so nice to give us stone tables below the blocks, we should utilise them!

Main course? Check!

Dessert
You can head for the bedroom already!

(a)E-rotic Massage
Why "E-rotic"? Because you need the internet for these massaging tips. In preparation for this post, I googled "massage" and found this as the first hit.

Since the nice people from sexuality.org has kindly provided the tips, I only have one advice: wait for your food to be digested. Dessert is sweet, not pukishly sour. If you are really really hardworking, practise first on your inflatable doll.

(b)Walk and Sing
Walking is good for digestion and the best thing about it is you can do it anywhere! To make it really special, plan a route with significance for you and your date. The place where you first met or the areas where you and your secondary school friends hung out in the past. While strolling, it would be good to belt out old favorites that has special meanings for you! My friends and I have numerous songs that would have us up in stitches while others look at us as if we have gone crazy. What if people look at us in horror? Pwah! You think people will have time to look at you?! Rubbish! They are only concerned (faked or otherwise) about their dates and with comparing the sizes of their flowers. You, on the other hand, will be laughing and not lashing out at your partner for giving you a rose that is 2mm smaller than the nearest girl!

Dessert? Check!

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So there we have it! My amazing guide to having a cheap and unconventional Valentine's Day. It's not such a scary day after all eh? Try my ideas and let me know of your successes! :D

Be a desirable blog reader!

Blogging is quite a phenomenon in Singapore. In 2005, many blogs have sprung up and there is even a section in The Straits Times being devoted to recommending hot blogs. Blogs must have some kind of appeal right? But have you ever wondered what kind of blog reader you are? Are people out there really annoyed at you? Fear not! I shall highlight the top 5 less desirable kinds of blog reader! Just make sure you don’t fall into any of these categories and you shall be able to enjoy reading blogs with little fear of being flamed!

5. The Lurker®

Description: Generally The Lurker® is the one whom you know is reading your blog but just never come right out to admit it. For example, you might know some technology detecting so-and-so to be your silent reader. If you are dying for some kind of support out there to show someone is reading you, you can forget about turning to The Lurker®. I think it takes pleasure in knowing that you know it is out there yet know that you can never make it comment. Hey! We all need some boosting of our egos from time to time! Comment now or be silent forever!
Annoyance Rating: *

4. The Parrot®

Description: The Parrot® loves to talk but wait a minute, something sounds familiar? Because it is! The Parrot® reiterates what the blogger has said, either in the comments or in its own blog. Shockingly, it is closely related to The Sheep® despite them being from different species. Perhaps some mystery in evolution that scientists have overlooked? Anyway, The Parrot® always makes it appears that it knows EXACTLY what the blogger is trying to say when it usually is painfully wrong.
Annoyance Rating: **

3. The Howler®

Description: Do you know that howler monkeys are some of the loudest animals in the world? The same goes for The Howler®. The Howler® aims to be the "loudest" commentator on the blog. IT LOVES TO TYPE IN ALL CAPS AND USES LOTS OF !!! Attention seeking The Howler® may also manifest itself through leaving lots of irrelevant comments. Just so you can "hear" it wail.
Annoyance Rating: ***

2. The Sheep®

Description: Try to find this one by looking at how it is always saying "Yes XXX, I agree with you." The Sheep® is not afraid to show others that it loves to agree with them and basically, has no brains and only knows how to worship its blogging idol. Just hear it bleah in agreement. Everytime.
Annoyance Rating: ****

1. The Green Eye®

Description: Simply put, The Green Eye® is jealous of the blogger. There are many ways it would try to put the blogger in bad light such as flaming just to be contrary, spreading malicious rumors or blogging about how much it hates the blogger. The Green Eye® also denies that it is jealous of the blogger and will go all out to "prove" that the blogger is not worthy of his/her fame. Sometimes when a group of The Green Eyes® join together, they form a conglomeration to go against that very blogger. But pray do not mistaken honest critics for The Green Eye®. Also, do not be The Sheep® and be unable to tell when the blogger really deserve to be flamed. Ah! It all boils down to whether you're The Sheep® or The Green Eye®. Fine line between them indeed.
Annoyance Rating: *****

So now you know the least desirable kinds of blog reader, you no longer have an excuse to feign ignorance when people call you names like The Green Eye®, The Sheep®, The Howler®, The Parrot® or The Lurker®! Be a well-liked blog reader today!

Lifts

Suppose at the exact same millisecond, person in lift presses "close" while person outside lift presses "open" (why is there not a "close" button outside?), would the lift open or close?

I think it would open. But think about it. Person in the lift was there first, shouldn't he/she be allow to direct the lift? What if the person outside is like one of those villians in bad b-rated movies waiting to murder person inside? Ooooo...

I propose that all lifts should be controlled by person inside. Thank you.

Female = privileges?

There are some girls who seem to think that being a female allows them to all sorts of privileges. I supposed in some way and with some people, it does. For some reason, this kind of behavior isn't very me.

I'm not sitting on my high pedestal judging people but firstly, let me describe the kind of girl I am talking about. This girl usually thinks she is pretty and should not have to do much work. She feels that guys should carry things and be gentlemen and foot the bill. Girls should not have to lift a finger to do work. Female is the fairer and weaker sex.

Now, if the guy in question is her boyfriend then I think it's alright. However, if this guy is still a student and footing her mobile bills for example, I feel it's quite out of place. Where does he actually get his money? It's not about being a feminist but don't you think as a girlfriend, the girl should actually think about the guy's finances before behaving in such a manner? Sometimes during grocery shopping, shouldn't you help in carrying the food? Don't you eat it? Even if you know the guy would refuse your aid, you should still ask, right?

Girls are not totally without muscles ok?

Tom yum

Must there be a tomorrow?

I was wondering whether you must plan for the future while you are with someone. Does a relationship always have to go somewhere? What's in the cards? Marriage? Money? Kids? Break up?

Can we simply be happy just being with someone, without caring what will happen down the road? Hmm...