Saturday, February 07, 2009

Operation Ants Eradication I


Back in the days when I had to count my coins, I finally chose the soft, fluffy Breadtalk bun for tomorrow's breakfast. It was going to be a 4-hour lecture with little hope of getting a break. Carefully, I tied the transparent plastic bag the bun was placed in and told it I was looking forward to eating it tomorrow. Next, I tied the hand-carry plastic bag as tightly as I could. The precious bundle was then securely brought to the microwave and with tender hands, I put it in, right in the middle.

After a hurried shower, I skipped joyfully to the microwave, rubbing my hands in glee. Yes! I'm finally going to sink my teeth into the soft, fluffy Breaktalk bun. I gently removed the two intricate knots. Holding the baked dough in both hands, I opened my mouth. Wait! What's that? As I was closing my eyes in anticipation of the ecstatic bread-biting moment, I spied a moving creature on my bun. WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?! It was an ant. Never mind, an ant doesn't kill anyone. I flicked off the ant, and peeled the bun into half for my inaugural bite. WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT THE FUCK?!

WHAT THE FUCK?!!!!!!!!!!


I rushed to throw the bun in the dustbin. WAIT A MINUTE! The ants should not be let off so lightly! Even though I was running late for class, I threw the ant-infested bun into the sink and poured boiling water over the bun. There! SCREW YOU!

I live in an old flat, more than 30 year-old to be precise. With cracks in the walls, you will be very naive if you think that ants do not live side-by-side with us. From the white chalk ant bait, to the nth bottle of insecticide, nothing has worked against the 6-legged pests. Today, I was talking to my colleagues about pests and I brought up the ant situation at my house.

Me: My house has sooooooooooo many ants, it's disgraceful!
Eunice: Just buy the ant bait and use lor! So simple.
Colleen: Ya! That one so useful, all the ants will die.
Me: Where got? Don't lie la. I use that one the ants will detour around it lor.
Eunice: Which one you used?
Me: You all not talking about the white white one meh? Like chalk that one?
Eunice: No la! The one we saying like biscuit crumbs.
Me: Got such a thing meh?
Eunice: Ya la! That time my father bought I thought how come the ant bait attracted more ants. But after a while, you see the ants all lying there, dead liao. Super useful!
Me (excitedly): Really?!?! Where to get??
Colleen: Anywhere can buy what.
Eunice: Ya. You go the medical hall also have. If not the cheapskate place can get. (Ed note: Cheapskate place is what we call the shop that sells hardware, cutlery, and utensils.)

So, after lunch, I rushed to get the deadly ant biscuits:
Only $1.80? Sure or not?

Remember to read the instructions before use!

Really look like biscuit crumbs wor!

After eagerly breaking opened a pellet, I liberally sprinkled it at Ants HQ. One pellet was not enough, so I went for the second.

1 minute gone... *tap tap tap*

2 minute gone... *tap tap tap*

5 minute gone... *tap tap... WOAH!!!! THE ANTS HAVE ARRIVED!!!

Eunice and Colleen said the ants will come and bring back the 'food'. Do not worry at this point because the ants are bringing the sweet biscuits back to its colony to share with its mates. When they ingest the poison-filled crumbs, they will crumble and die! Muahahahaha!!! Call in your logistic company then!

Bring them all home! COME ON!!!

It's late now and I think I should read a bit and turn in for the night. I'll update you Operation Ants Eradication on the morrow! Muahahahahahahahaha!!!

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